George Stroumboulopoulos featured guest on Sesame Park

George Stroumboulopoulos featured guest on Sesame Park
By Terence Yee

Sunny Day
Sweepin’ the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Park

Come and play
Everything’s A-OK
Friendly neighbours there
That’s where we meet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Park

It’s a magic carpet ride
Every door will open wide
To Happy people like you--
Happy people like
What a beautiful

Sunny Day
Sweepin’ the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Park

How to get to Sesame Park


[Setting: winter, a Canadian park]

“Hi, Basil, what are you doing?” asks Louis the Otter.

“I’m trying to make some maple syrup,” Basil the Bear replies as he unhooks the bucket holding the precious sap.

“I love maple syrup, especially maple syrup donuts!” announces Louis.

Just then, George Stroumboulopoulos appears on an RCMP horse, wearing a moose skin on his back, with a beaver pelt on his head, holding a Canadian flag. The slight tilt of his head shows off his black CBC logo tattoo etched on his neck. “You should be having maple syrup on bacon, like the good old Canadian way!”

“Who are you?” asks the confused Louis.

Basil answers, “He’s that famous Canadian television personality.”

“Didn’t you use to be on MuchMusic, where they don’t censor out ‘shit,’ ‘bitch,’ or ‘fuck’?” questioned Louis.

“Yes, that’s the one,” proudly replied George. “So why aren’t you having maple syrup with bacon!?”

“I like those maple syrup donuts that they have at Tim Hortons. I like to buy those ones that --,” begins Louis.

“Do you think all there is to Canada is maple syrup donuts from Tim Hortons?” interrupts George.

“No, I just wanted to say that I --”

“Do you even know what it means to be Canadian?” George interrogates with a clenched fist.

“What are you talking about? We don’t want any trouble. Can you just leave us al—“

“I’m gonna show you boys what it means to be Canadian…”

Without pausing, George recites some random facts about Canada like he does so well during “Mile a Minute.”

“Canada has a population over 33 million people.

The total area of Canada is just under 10 million square kilometres.

77% of Canadians say they generally trust their fellow countrymen.

1% of Canadians over 15 are ten-pin bowlers.

41% of the population is taking two or more prescription drugs.

13% of adults in Canada say they have no sex life.

100% of the population rarely agrees about anything. This is Canada after all.”


Basil the Bear timidly says, “That is very interesting, George. We should get going now—.“

“There are some important international figures that are Canadian…” George has that sparkle in his eye that means nobody can interrupt him.

George was ready to introduce an important Canadian, his Greatest Canadian. With a snap of his fingers and some pre-recorded CBC video magic, the group arrive in London, Ontario. They visit the Canadian Medical Hall of Fame where George tells them everything he knew about Tommy Douglas, as if he was interviewing for a segment of “The Newsstand.” They return to the CBC studio.

“Wow, thanks for the information, George. It’s weird that some people get Canadians mixed up with our neighbours to the south, the Americans,” comments Louis the Otter casually. Basil shakes his head signalling to Louis that he should not have said that.

“We are nothing like them!” yells George, feeling offended. “Let me tell you some obvious differences.”

“But our time is up. Our show should be end—“

Before Louis can finish, George quickly reads off “The List”: top five ways to distinguish between Canadians and Americans.

At number five…
Canadian: colourful money
American: green money

Number four…
Canadian: 97% of tea in Canada is consumed hot
American: 85% of tea in the US is consumed iced

Number three…
Canadian: free drugs
American: drug problem

Number two…
Canadian: when travelling to Hollywood, pretend to be American
American: when travelling to anywhere else, pretend to be Canadian

And the number one difference…
Canadian: Hour has 22 minutes
American: Hour has 60 minutes

After all the talking, George and his two unenthusiastic learners become hungry. They enjoy some bacon (at George’s insistence) with their maple syrup.

Sesame Park has been brought to you today by the letters “U” and “S.”